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Totties Pretties on Etsy

Totties Pretties on Etsy
Tottie's Pretties are ribbon wrapped headbands adorned with flowers & gems or perfect boutique bows. Banding Girls Together to Find a Cure for Childhood Arthritis. Tottie's supports CARRA and the Arthritis Foundation.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Isaiah 40:29-31

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

This has been one of my favorite verses for awhile now. Not sure why, I just think it sounds so beautiful. Especially at the end of Lincoln Brewster's "Everlasting God", spoken in a small child's voice. Well, I guess there's a reason that it pulled on my heart, I just didn't realize why. Until Saturday, that's when it hit me.
Jenna has been in pain and beyond tired for months now, that's nothing new. Sadly it's just become a part of her life. She won't even take anything for pain anymore. She says, "The pain isn't that bad. I'm okay." I'm sorry, but that really SUCKS. She also says that none of the pain meds she has tried help, so why bother. That's just great, she is 7 years old.
That all changed on Saturday. They had a half day of school to make up a snow day. I figured, it's only a couple of hours, she'll be fine. Then, the weather was supposed to be beautiful that afternoon so we planned an afternoon at the park with friends. Again, thinking, she'll be fine. I mean, she's in pain anyway so why not get outside in the fresh air and warm sunshine and have some FUN! I forgot (yeah I know, Mom of the year) to give her some Motrin before school to maybe help ward off any pain later. I brought it to the park and gave her some while we ate lunch. Then she spent the next two hours playing and having fun. There was nothing really strenuous. She didn't run much, she spent most of her time on the swings or at the picnic table. She went down the slide a few times, watched the boys play ball. She really didn't DO a whole lot. When we were on our way home she was so quiet. A look in the rear view mirror revealed the pain on her face. I asked her if she would like a bubble bath when we got home. I could hear the relief in her voice as she sighed out the word "YES". That seemed to help revive her for most of the afternoon. By 6:00 though she was in agony. She could not get comfortable no matter what she did. I gave her some more Motrin and she finally put a pillow on the floor to lay down. She kept twisting and contorting, but, for the most part this seemed the best spot for her. Bedtime is 8:00, even on weekends. Of course Daddy was working, and Mommy simply can't carry her up the stairs to her bed. She made it up there, barely, and I tucked her in and told her to try to get some sleep for church the next morning. I serve at the first service and we attend the second. But, with Daddy working they need to come to both services so I knew that would be a long morning for her. They have their own special kids classes that they go to called Cove Kids. It's mostly teaching and learning, some crafts, some play, nothing that should be too much, ya know, for a normal kid. Mother of the Year forgot about a class for myself that I wanted to attend that afternoon. I checked with Jenna and she said she would be fine, she was excited to stay with her friends and teachers. *SIGH* Okay....if you're sure. YES! I'm sure! So we stayed and therefore didn't get home until 4:30, having gotten there at 8:30 that morning. When she is IN it, she doesn't realize the pain she is in. I guess that's a good thing? So what do you think happened once we got home? Yep, she was miserable. Gave her more Motrin, we had a quick dinner, then into PJ's and into Mommy's bed to snuggle by 6:00. She was in and out of sleep for the next two hours. Each time she would doze off she would let out a whimper. The dog was literally glued to Jenna's legs. At first Jenna was NOT happy and kept crying, telling me to make her move. After numerous attempts, and the dog pushing herself deeper into the bed and closer to Jenna's legs, I said, "Sweetie, I think she knows you don't feel good, and she wants to comfort you." Jenna looked down at her for a minute, then rubbed the dogs head and told her she's a good girl. Bless her heart. By the way, the dog followed Jenna all around the house this morning. So anyway, in and out of sleep in my bed for two hours, woke her up at 8:00 to get her into her bed, dragged her up and out for school this morning, more Motrin, dance class tonight, shot night, more Motrin I'm sure. Ugh.
So anyway, back to the bible verse. I want her strength renewed! I want her to SOAR on wings like eagles!! I want her to NOT grow weary, to WALK and not FAINT!!!!! A child should not spend days in agonizing pain over a couple of hours at the park! I am not questioning or doubting God on this so don't get me wrong there. I know that He has a plan and I trust Him in that 100%! But does that mean that I have to like it 100% of the time? Does that mean that I can't wish for something better, something different?


Aubrey B. said...

Oh Amy! I'm in tears reading this because I know exactly what Jenna is going through. It's one thing being an adult with this evil disease. But it breaks my heart to think of a child dealing with it. Just know that, from what I've observed in my my online friends, those who were diagnosed as children are often the most positive of all of us. As adults, we mourn what we can no longer do when we get that diagnosis. Those who have grown up with it, though, discover all the things they can do in spite of the disease.

Isaiah 40:31 is my go-to verse. I even have it in my email signature. It reminds me when I'm weak and weary where I need to place my hope. And when I turn to Him, even when in excruciating, seemingly endless pain, I do find hope. Will my physical body run and not grow weary at some point? I don't know. But I do know that some day I will be running on those streets of gold, I will be soaring with the angels, and I will be walking hand in hand with Jesus. Knowing that gets me through anything this life throws at me.

Amy Cunningham said...

Aubrey, after reading this I had tears ROLLING down my cheeks. Now my nose won't stop running. Thank you so much for your words. You are absolutely right and it is something I hadn't thought of. She won't know any different, so she can't mourn the loss of her abilities. She will grow up discovering instead, all of the things she CAN do. LOVE IT! Still heartbreaking, but I love this perspective :) And you are also right that one day, maybe not on this earth, but one day she WILL be able to do these things. THANK YOU, thank you so much Aubrey.