Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Is it too much to ask?
I just want her well. I want her to know a day, a full 24 hours of feeling WELL. I know that she can't remember what it's like, because lately, I can't even remember it. I can't remember what she was like before she got sick. Was she always this angry? Was she always this emotional? What were her habits? Did she always act this way? I feel like I am mourning the loss of my WELL child. Now, do not get me wrong. I do realize that she is much better off than some children, I get that. But some days, that just isn't enough to soothe the ache that is in my heart. I WANT HER WELL. Is it too much to ask? I used to pray for, hope for remission for her. Remission you say? Like cancer?? YES, remission, like cancer! Because, like cancer, Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis has NO CURE. So, as of right now, all that we can hope for is remission. As of right now, she can never be 100% rid of, cured of this disease. This disease that encompasses and endangers her entire body. At the JA Conference this Summer I got a new perspective on remission. I was able to meet many teenagers and young adults that have never known remission, yet are leading full, happy lives. I then realized that if Jenna never went into remission, as long as she was happy, I would be okay. Well, today I'm not feeling it. Today, I WANT HER WELL. Is it too much to ask??
Today I feel like screaming as loud and long as I can until I can make people understand what we go through. Today I feel anger and resentment at the hand we've been dealt. Tomorrow is another day...